I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
