It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
