I can't watch pbs sober anymore
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
