My nipple is on Facebook.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
