this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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