WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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