mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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