So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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