Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
