he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
