its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
