Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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