That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
