and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
