make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
