..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
