Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
