turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
