My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
