pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
look no pants
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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