I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
