Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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