I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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