I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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