So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Welp...herpes.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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