you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
