Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
