I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
