i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i out mim tonsoeep
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