Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
