cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
