somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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