Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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