Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
