One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
