Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
