I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
