my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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