you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
