Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
