I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He shit in the fireplace
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