how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
