am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
