I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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