a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The adults are the big ones right?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
