The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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