? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
