winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
