tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
