i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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