I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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