I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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