Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Less talking, more tequila
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
