part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
