once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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