Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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