Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
