im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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