Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
