i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
