I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize