the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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