im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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