capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
