found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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