i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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