The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize