oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
