It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
