sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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