i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
